I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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