Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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