Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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