I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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