Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
