I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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