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i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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