Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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