Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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