We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
