and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize