there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
