I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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