Ambien. No doubt about it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
