There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
