If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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