She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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