I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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