can u get pink eye on your cock?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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