she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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