now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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