So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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