I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
