it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize