i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
