i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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