Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
