hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize