I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
