I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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