i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I understand Curling. That high.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
