he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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