Fine. I'll sleep in my office
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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