Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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