Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
