I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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