He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize