omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize