Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
