broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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