I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
