so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
