"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
