If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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