I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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