I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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