i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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