girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
