that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
