Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
