she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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