Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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