YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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