Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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