Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
