I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
