well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
