im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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