his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
