I'm going to jail i love you
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
