so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
