Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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