FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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