He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
