Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
