I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
