I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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