I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
