Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You can't special order awesome
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
