he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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