I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
