so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
