Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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