I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
